I'm Gonna Be Strong
by Tyde
Summary: *COMPLETE* [...I nod, unable to actually put words together because I think that if I open my mouth I’ll give you the impression that I’m dying inside...] R & R is appreciated :o)


**Summary: **Harry lets go of somebody and for her sake tries to pretend it doesn't bother him.****

**Disclaimer: **A Harry Potter fic-let stealing lyrics from the Gene Pitney song – I'm Gonna Be Strong. I don't own Mann and Weil's lyrics nor JK Rowling's characters. I do however own my smidgen of a 'plot, what plot?'

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**I'm Gonna Be Strong****  
**by Tyde

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I'm watching her now as she takes notes from the textbook in front of her. Constantly dipping that quill into the inkwell and getting tiny splotches onto the desk that someone will later rest an arm on and inadvertently dye their skin. My heart used to do little flip flops every time I saw her, or every time she entered a room, but it doesn't anymore. It's not because I don't love her, I do, more than anything in the world, but I'm no longer in love. I don't think she loves me anymore.

A few strands of auburn hair keep falling into her eyes and she tries to blow them away but it's not working. She looks up now and she catches me looking at her. Her eyes connect with mine but there is no sparkle, no acknowledgement of what we have. My eyes try to search deep within hers but she blocks me off from doing it. The liquid brown pools that I used to get lost within are shallow and empty. She has to tell me something, I've seen it coming, but she's afraid that she'll hurt me. I'm not blind, Ginny, I can see it coming.

_I can see, you're slipping away from me_

_And you're so afraid that I'll plead with you to stay_

_But I'm gonna be strong and let you go your way_

You blasted me the other night, I deserved it I suppose. "I'm too busy with OWLs" you'd said, "To be worrying about you gallivanting off around the countryside getting yourself into trouble. You just don't think sometimes Harry about the actions you take. What are the people waiting for you at home going to think?" You were worried about me but you didn't see yourself giving the time to it anymore.

You were right of course, I don't think sometimes. I go off half-cocked but I'm just trying to save the world. Hermione says that's very dramatic of me to suggest, but it's true. Just because I banished Voldemort the first time they expect me to do it all over again. But I have other things that need to be thought about. Homework, prepping for NEWTs, Quidditch, my girlfriend. It's not fair, having to play the hero when I'd rather be down the pub playing the fool. But I don't want you to know that, you'd just feel sorry for me and then you'd stay with me, even if it meant sacrificing your feelings for mine. I have seen the way you look at him, you two just think you are friends but there is more. Neville sees more than just a girl that needs help with Herbology and you see more in him than just a tutor. You encourage one another in your actions and your words. It's terribly clichéd but I just want you to be happy, Gin. And if that means leaving me and starting something up with him then so be it. If I don't matter to you anymore then cut me loose.

_Our love is gone, there's no sense in holding on_

_And your pity now, would be too much to bear_

_So I'm gonna be strong and pretend I don't care_

I'm about to rise from the couch when you look up again. You push the hair strands behind your ear and your little mouth opens. "Harry? Have you got a few minutes?"

No one else is in the common room, it's just the two of us. I was only half-heartedly reading that book on the English Quidditch team history. You must have known that I was waiting for you, that I've been waiting for weeks, because I know. I nod, unable to actually put words together because I think that if I open my mouth I'll give you the impression that I'm dying inside.

_I'm gonna be strong and stand as tall as I can_

_I'm gonna be strong and let you run along and take it like a man_

You walk over and sit down next to me on the couch. One of your fingers traces the marks of a potion spilled long ago on one of the cushions as you avoid my eye line.

"You know it hasn't been right for a while" I surprise myself and you by speaking first. I don't know where the gall to say that came from. I think back to the Firewhiskey shots I'd been doing with Ron earlier. Alcohol does that to me, gives me an extra set of balls.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. You and me Harry, it's just not-"

"Yeah" I cut you off mid-sentence because I don't want you to finish what you were saying. I know what it'll do to me.

"But we had good times, didn't we?"

I nod, trying to keep my head up and my eyes dry. You finally look up, and your eyes are as deep and velvety as the day I fell in love with you. I feel myself falling again and not worrying about hitting rock bottom. My stomach does flip flops, my fingers tingle with the need to grab your face in my hands and kiss you with a greater passion then I've ever felt before, but I don't. I fold my hands in my lap and focus on the freckle that is just below your right eye. Your eyelashes sweep over it as you blink and I think I'm going to cry out. You're not totally heartless though, I can see this pains you.

"So, um...well, ah I guess this is goodbye" You look away, finally uncomfortable at the closeness of our bodies. "In a sense" I look away too, to the flames crackling in the fireplace, the wood disintegrating before our eyes. "Harry...are you...?"

I gather up everything inside of myself that isn't wallowing in self-pity and smile at you. The old Harry smile. The smile that would light up the Quidditch pitch whenever I snatched up the Snitch and trounced Slytherin.

"Don't you worry, I'm fine"

_When you say it's the end I'll just hand you a line_

_I'll smile and say "Don't you worry, I'm fine"_

"Thanks" It's an odd word to use but it seems to fit here. You lean forward and plant those soft lips on my cheek and I breathe in the scent of you. Sandalwood and jasmine. A smell that years down the track will still have me thinking of you. With the kiss over you remove yourself from the couch and head up the stairs to your dormitory. I sit there as if frozen, the hint of a smile still on my lips. 

_You'll never know darling after you kiss me goodbye_

_How I'll break down and cry_

I let out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding. My chest aches with the effort. I pray you don't come back down those steps anytime soon. As I hug a pillow to my chest a lonely tear tracks it's way down my cheek. It doesn't stay lonely for long.

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**THE END**

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